


How's the heart?

by Hoho_TheFool



Category: Love Victor (TV 2020)
Genre: Best Friends, Comfort, Coming Out, Crushes, Friendship, Love, M/M, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:48:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24794917
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hoho_TheFool/pseuds/Hoho_TheFool
Summary: Spoiler for Love, Victor episode 9- alternate take on one particual scene sine I absolutely do NOT like it the way they did it.......Instead of Lake, it's Victor who gets to see Felix apartment. It leads to an emotional speech which lead to something else.
Relationships: Victor Salazar/Felix, Victor Salazar/Felix Weston
Comments: 5
Kudos: 133





	How's the heart?

**Author's Note:**

> I don't like Lake

He dumped Lake right after realising that she didn't love and just used him.

The other reason was because he developed feelings for a certain someone.

And this certain someone really just came out to him - in front of his apartment complex. Both still dressed in their PJs.

Seemed like everything was going well right?  
Wrong. Because Felix knew that Victor had a thing for Benji.

Nothing was really ever going according to his wishes. It felt like he was constantly living in the twilight zone

It tugged on his heart to know it wasn't him who Victor was in love with but he managed to smile through the pain anyway and hugged him. The smile faded the moment Victor returned the hug.

And he also shed some tears. Victor probably thought it was because of how proud he was of him.

"Felix, don't cry" the other boy said and placed a hand on his back for a short second.

"I'm not crying. You... Made me aware of my blinking. Irritated my eye." this earned him another pat on the back and a chuckle from Victor.

"So how does it feel to get all this off your chest?"

"Kind of amazing." both chuckled again.

He sunk into his thoughts for a second.

How he would like to get all this off his chest too. But he didn't want to annoy anyone. Especially not Victor since he was going through so much already.

And that's when the darker skinned boy told him he kissed Benji.

He acted surprised - but actually he wasnt. It would have happened anyway. Somewhere. Somehow. Sometime.

Felix wasn't supposed to be jealous. He was supposed to be supportive. And he really wanted and tried to.

How could he even think that's someone like Victor, someone who's popular, good at sport, someone who had a cinnamon complexion like dome loser like Felix.

"So why didn't we discussed it at yours?"

"Well you know--no you actually don't know - but my mom is a light sleeper. She would have just annoyed us. And you sounded pretty serious. Lucky we did it outside."

"My problems aside. What about you and Lake?"

"Oh. Yeah, I dumped here after realising she was just using and not loving me the same way I did. But that's not important anymore."

"Why not?"

Felix started into the distance. He absolutely should NOT tell him that he had a crush on him. Not with the luck he had.

"Becaaaause you matter." he patted Victor's back a little stronger and stood up. "Youre my best friend and I'm here to support you."

Cinnamon Complexion boy looked at him, with his deep brown eyes. A little bit overwhelmed.

"Oh God. Did I sound to eager again?"  
"You kinda did yes."  
"Well you know that's my only personality trait." he smiled.  
"See you in half a hour alright?"

-

Right befit they entered the school building, Victor promised him he would talk to Mia about it. He watched from a safer distance as his friend made his way over to his still-girlfriend.

The day in school went by really fast - and Victor straight up headed home with Mia to get the things straight. Felix looked after him as he made his way home.  
Nothing special would await him there. Only darkness and depression.

"I'm home" he shouted, rather quietly not to disturb his mother to much. As he got no answer back, he made his way to his room and just threw the backpack on the floor.

"Heading out again. To a friend - just in case you want to know."

But he wasn't even heading out to anyone. Besides Victor he had no friends, and he was occupied in this exact moment. Felix sighed and tugged the phone in his pocket. Then he closed the front door once he was outside.

The boy stood in the empty hallway for about 5 minutes, thinking about something.  
About something, how to make himself distract from the thoughts of Victor. What he was going through right now - he didn't want to imagine. He couldn't.

He was so proud of Victor for coming out to him... So why didn't he just do the same. He would have understood. Seems like he wasn't just ready yet.

He walked down the lonely hallway and went outside, there he sat down on the stairs.

That's what he did the whole afternoon long. Just sitting there, on the cold dirty apartment stairs, the air breezing around him.  
Sometimes, looking at his phone.

What took Victor so long?

Another 3 hours passed. It was now around 6 pm. His mom left 30 minutes ago, on her way down the stairs she told him that she was just visiting her therapist, not even bothered by the fact that her own son was just sitting on the stairs. But he wasn't mad at her, she was ill after all.

And there still was no sign of Victor. Maybe Mia killed him? After his confession.

His phone buzzed, ripping him out of his thoughts.

The screen showed a massage.

**Victor**  
_Can I come over to you?_

He unlocked his phone and typed hack. Immediately

**Felix**  
_Of course you can. Don't ask these stupid questions. Just come over._

It took another 15 minutes but he could already see Victor waking up the street. Felix waved at his friend but he didn't get any response.

He took a look at the boy, right in front of him, the boy with the cinnamon complexion, tried to get a glimpse of what was going inside his head.

"So..." Felix began, patting the stairs to gesture Victor to sit down next to him. "How did it went? You don't look so happy."

His friend just looked down on the floor, while he felt a rush of guilt building up inside him.

Did he say something wrong?

"It went as expected. Of course she was disappointed in me- I'm not even mad at her. But then she told me she's proud of me for finally realizing it. The things that went on inside me. She wants some distance between us and honestly I'm OK with this because she deserves better then someone who's just using her to discover his orientation. "

The other boy nooded, to scared to say something wrong in a situation like this. Instead he asked him something.

"Can I show you something? To distract you of course. "

It took the darker skinned boy a moment. "Of course you can."

Felix took a deep breath and stood up, taking a look at his cinnamon complexion friend and dragged him up.

"Don't be to over excited"

He went up the stairs, still holding Victor's soft hands-- not realising it- and pulled the door open. His heart was pounding, just the fact that he was about to show his friend how he lived made him nervous. What would he think about it? Victors family wasn't rich themselves but at least their apartment was clean and tidy. They waked up some of the stair until they stood in front of a rather blunt, sad looking door. Not decorated with any thing.

"So this is where I live. I have never shown my apartment to anyone before. Not like I had anyone to show it to anyway." he chuckled nervous and the key was clicking the door. It was dark inside. For a short second he thought about locking the door behind them again, shoving Victor down the stairs and to his own apartment. But it was to late.

Victor already had switched on the light and they were now standing inside a apartment piled up with trash. From the floor up to the ceiling.

Felix closed the door behind them, in an awkward rush.

"Believe it or not. Didn't always look like this. My mom and I have lived here since I was born. Used to be normal. A fun place to live for as kid you know."

He was to nervous to even think about giving Victor a break from his ramble so he continued. He also was averting his gaze again--to afraid to find disgust in his friends face.

"I had a ton of toys. All Legos went in that corner." he pointed left. "I had a Xbox over there at some point." he pointed right. "And I had this trampoline that drove the downstairs neighbors crazy."

He looked around.

"But I, uh... Realized eventually that my mom was buying me all that stuff to distract me from what really was ging on."

Felix dared to took a quick look at his friend and then sighed. He started to fidget around with his keys.

"My mom she... Always suffered from depression. But overtime it got worse. And then she developed that inability to part ways with stuff."

"So your mom is a...?"

"I call her an overactive collector. Sounds better than a depressive hoarder doesn't it?

And then there was silence between them.

"You must be horrified by this all, aren't you? I mean obviously you must be since you live in such a nice apartment, a clean tidy one. Not piled up with old things."

"Why are you showing me this?"

Felix was scared by these words, they probably weren't meant in a mean way but somehow they still hurt. He turned around anyway and put a hand on Victor's arm.

"Because we are friends. We should be these kind of friends who can tell each other anything, share secrets. I saw your life. The things you struggling with. I wanted you to see mine." He looked directly into his friends eyes. "Look this might be where I live but that does not reflect who I am. The way your parents want you to be doesn't equals the way you should live. You should be yourself. And I'm really proud of you, that you finally started to open up to your friends. You're doing everything for your parents to be proud of you, to accept you...but that's not the healthiest way. You're scared to disappoint your parents and I totally get that, I'm scared of my mom to 0sometimes... I would be scared of he reaction if I would tell her how I feel. Would she understand? Would she hate me or kick me out? Would she even be bothered by it? Listen to me? You're smart, funny, you have a cinnamon complexion. How could your parents hate you for who you are."

Victor averted his gaze for a short second and instead looked on the hand on his arm. Not knowing what to say.  
He placed his hand on top of Felix.  
And the other one could feel a rush of heat running through his body.  
The hug between them the moment Victor came out to him meant something special to Felix --even then he could feel his heart skip. But now, right here, in his messed up home, it was something so different.

The boy pulled his hand away fast which lead to a confused look on Victor's face.

"Everything's alright?"  
"Yeah, everything's good. I think my mom's about to come back. You should better leave. I don't know how she's going to react. Her mood swings are really intense."  
"Oh..." the darker skinned boy blinked, it looked like he was thinking about something.  
"Yeah. I'll leave then. But let me know if you need something."  
"Yes. See you tomorrow."

Then his best friend left. And Felix regretted it right after. He wanted to ask him if he already had a date for the school dance. This was a wasted opportunity. He should have done it. Victor would either say yes or no. Yet he was to far in the closet to even think about asking a boy. His friend. Victor who was out of the closet to at least two people and maybe would have helped him to understand.

Felix opened the door again, took a look around but Victor was nowhere to be seen. Probably was already back in his apartment.

Damn.  
He ran inside his room and almost immediately grabbed the walkie talkie, but didn't dare to speak a word. Pressed the button but didn't say anything.  
Put it back on his desk and stared at it what felt like an eternity.

"Just ask him." he said to himself. "He likes you as a friend and he probably won't yell at you for asking him."

But maybe Victor was to embarrassed to go to the dance with him. Benji was going to be there too.

So he pulled out his phone and unlocked it just a to stare at victors contact another 5 minutes until he finally had the guts to type out a message.

**Felix**  
_Can I come downstairs? I know we just talked to each other 30 minutes ago but I forgot to ask you something._

His friend replied not long after

**Victor**  
_No walkie talkie this time? Let's meet outside?_

**Felix**  
_Good idea._

As he exited the apartment complex he already saw his friend standing there.  
This was about either to go down or the complete opposite.

"It's really rare to get a text from you. Is something up?"

Felix considered running away right now was the best option. And to never come back again.

"I know it's gonna sound really stupid, excuse me for that. But you can also hate me for it - what ever you choose, you're still my best friend." he tugged his hands inside his jacket pockets and looked around in nervousness.  
"You know the school dance is about to happen. And I don't have anyone to go with. Like, usually. I mean youre still my only real friend... Uh..." he bit his lip, trying desperately to look for the right words. "Maybe..." No. Not like this. "Do you want to go to the dance with me?"

He blurted out the words. It was out now. No coming back. The boy closed his eyes, just waiting for this huge disappointment.  
Waiting for a "No." but Victor didn't say "no". He didn't say anything at all.

Felix got worried and opened his eyes again.

Victor's deep brown ones were staring right at him, he even stepped a bit closer. To close.  
Felix took a step back.

"This does sounds like a date... Don't you think Felix?"  
"Well.. Yeah kinda. You can say no if you want to."  
"I wouldn't mind going with you but.. My sister will be there to. You know?"  
"Ah. Yes. I forgot."  
"But I still would like to accept your offer since we both won't be alone then. But just as friends of course." Victor made a short pause. "But why me?"  
"You know the answer. I don't have other friends. And..."  
He was nervous again. "I thought you'd understand"  
"Understand what?"

He was fidgeting with the fabric of his jacket while again, trying to look for the right words.  
"I think you're not the only one whos carrying around a secret. Who's not telling it to anyone. I was already really unsure about what I like a few years ago. I couldn't really figure out what it was. I was really madly in love with Lake, you know that obviously. And I still thought it was like this until someone came into my life who showed me that I... My interest isn't just limited to the opposite gender. And the moment you came out to me today morning... something just clicked and I suddenly understood. Even more." he felt really awkward talking about it, about this topic with his crush.  
He could never tell Victor that he was his crush.

He would never.

"So what you're trying to tell me is that you like both genders?"

Felix shield his eyss with his hands and nooded.

"Alright." Victor smiled at him. "Its good to get this off your chest isn't it?"

Another nood.

"You still wanna go to the dance with me Victor?"

"Of course."

This resulted in a smile on Felix face and he put his hands back into his pockets.

"A date shall it be then, m'lady." Victor's best friend said, in an usual awkward tone.  
He was back at his usual awkwardness.  
There was no chance he would tell him about his crush on him.  
Not yet.  
Maybe there will be a chance at the spring fling.  
He at least hoped.  
It not this was OK too. At least they could stay friends.

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno what the fuck this fic was felt kinda out of place while writing it. Did 10 pages of homework which maybe distroyed my capability to write prober sentences


End file.
